You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
