I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize