She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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