How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
