That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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