why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
