I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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