yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My ass is underappreciated
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
