sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
