I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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