Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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