WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
