I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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