I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
