It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize