my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I got inside last night via doggy door
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
