I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
