Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
are you so shy because you have an std?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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