She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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