i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
