last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
