How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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