bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
