There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
