Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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