I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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