he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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