JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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