Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
birth control should be required to get into college
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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