I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
