he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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