Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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