Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
