Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
