I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
