UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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