According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
