Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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