My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
