I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My life is pants optional.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
