she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
