the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
