i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
how drunk are you?
Several
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
