I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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