Got a toothbrush?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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