i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Girls should come with a carfax report
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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