then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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