8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
please come you make the beer taste better
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
