Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
