i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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