So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
