I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
