What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
