That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
