Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
