I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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