I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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