My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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