yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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