Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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