Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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