he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My dick has a subreddit
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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