I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
