Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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