Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize