i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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