Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
