so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
