I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
