I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize