no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
