The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
