this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
