She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
