You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
