We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You were trust falling into bushes
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
