If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
