i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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