Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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