but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
