The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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