...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
