It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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