You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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