we have pet lesbian snakes
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
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