I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
