I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
