Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
