proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
