what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
So many bounce houses so little time
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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