So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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