No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
