His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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