Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
