I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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