I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
