The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
