last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
