I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize