3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
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