ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
