I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
