my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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