my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize