I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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