Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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